Tuesday, June 7, 2016

My Life and Top Gun

A month ago I lost my father.  He battled a long time with a terrible disease called Multiple System Atrophy (MSA).  The loss has been hard even though I know that he is in Heaven and is no longer in pain.  Somehow, even knowing that he is no longer in pain and is with our Jesus in heaven, there is nothing that can prepare anyone for the individual experience of being left behind.

The other day I was having one of the down moments of the ups and downs I experience daily now as I work through the grieving process.  All I could think of was the part in Top Gun where Maverick is distraught after Goose dies.  All I can remember thinking is that I am desperate to get to the point in the movie where "Maverick is re-engaging...".

I am praying to re-engage....I have had some moments where I am firing on all cylinders, and then I hit a backfire.  I run out of energy.  I lose focus.  Nothing is important.

I guess even at the point where Maverick re-engaged, he still had to take a minute afterward to silently say goodbye to Goose when he threw his dog tags in the sea.  Maverick's re-engagement wasn't permanent...but it was a big step.

I think I need to find a way to re-engage intentionally knowing that at some point the habit of engagement will be established and I'll find that lovin' feeling again....

It's the little things...